I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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