If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
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Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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