If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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