I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
