she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
