so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
