But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
