go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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