Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
someone owes me an orgasm
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
