I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
