My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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