I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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