He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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