it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
