bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
