i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Randomize
