I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
