i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
