At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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