I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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