as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
