did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I smell like Dick and happiness
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
