I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
