Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
