I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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