Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
