Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
