Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
