SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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