"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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