I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
