I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
