Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
