I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
