She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
