She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
