Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
