I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
