I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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