You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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