mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
