Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
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We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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