Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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