Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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