I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
