i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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