i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
