You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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