So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
