u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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