What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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