The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
