My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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