glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
