Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
