Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
