ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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