handjob tips. give me some.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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