A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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