I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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