need another drink. this is the easiest way
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
