I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
