Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
