I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
