listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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