I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
