there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
