I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
